I watched a film recently, titled Isoken; the storyline will resonate with lots of people of African origin. It’s the story of a young woman in her mid-thirties who isn’t yet married and isn’t in a relationship, this is of enormous concern to her mother and other members of the family. The situation is made worse by the fact that her two younger sisters are already married! Sounds familiar doesn’t it?
Ladies, have you ever felt that you have to present yourself in a certain way, put up a certain front to be accepted in society?
Society says men (boys) don’t cry, girls shouldn’t be outspoken, and that to be different is to be weird!
I know what it’s like to be different, born in Europe, grew up on the west coast of Africa, an African-European mix, not fully fitting in either society.
I am left-handed, and I am of African origin; so I know what it’s like to be different, growing up in a society that considers using the left hand as highly disrespectful.
Society has different boxes, to which we’re all supposed to adhere;
One such box is the gender box!
I remember watching the 1998 world cup with a group of friends; France played well and I said “the way they’re playing, France have a chance of winning the world cup” lots of the men in the room laughed out loud, and then one of them said condescendingly, “what do women know about football?” well I was right, France did win the world cup that year!
Society says men don’t cry, girls shouldn’t be outspoken, and to be different is to be weird.
What about the relationship box?
The media, especially electronic media will have us believe that we can only truly find our worth when we are in a relationship.
I grew up (thankfully) when Valentine’s day was not the “in-thing” that it is now; these days, most young men and women, including teenagers would do almost anything to have a date on Valentine’s day, so the “world” can see that they belong to the “happening” crowd, rather than be the “weird” one without a date.
I can identify;
Back in boarding school there were a few Valentine days when I didn’t get letters or cards from anyone asking me “would you be my Val?” leaving me feeling less than special. It’s been a few decades since I was in boarding school, and as I look back, I realise some of those friendships stood the test of time, and quite a lot did not, just like everything else in life! And the future did not rise and fall on the relationships or friendships that we had or did not have in our youth.
We don’t need to give in to the pressures that come with Valentine’s Day, like the host of a radio show I listened to today who with a resigned voice said for all her listeners to hear that, “the dreaded Valentine’s day is here again!”
Ladies our worth is defined by a far higher source beyond these transient pressures and pleasures, because we are fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139:14 and He holds our todays and tomorrows and before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs, He knew us. Jeremiah 1:5.
So as Valentine’s Day comes around this year, it is okay not to have a date, life hasn’t and isn’t passing you by; I survived and so will you too.
Dare to be different my friend, dare to stand alone.
I’m here if you want to visit over tea and cookies, especially on Valentine’s Day, so send in your comments or send in an email. Let’s talk!
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Even the gods, if they exist, must laugh from time to time. Perhaps what we call tragedy is merely comedy from a higher perspective, a joke we are too caught up in to understand. Maybe the wisest among us are not the ones who take life the most seriously, but those who can laugh at its absurdity and find joy even in the darkest moments.
Virtue, they say, lies in the middle, but who among us can truly say where the middle is? Is it a fixed point, or does it shift with time, perception, and context? Perhaps the middle is not a place but a way of moving, a constant balancing act between excess and deficiency. Maybe to be virtuous is not to reach the middle but to dance around it with grace.
All knowledge, it is said, comes from experience, but does that not mean that the more we experience, the wiser we become? If wisdom is the understanding of life, then should we not chase every experience we can, taste every flavor, walk every path, and embrace every feeling? Perhaps the greatest tragedy is to live cautiously, never fully opening oneself to the richness of being.
Friendship, some say, is a single soul residing in two bodies, but why limit it to two? What if friendship is more like a great, endless web, where each connection strengthens the whole? Maybe we are not separate beings at all, but parts of one vast consciousness, reaching out through the illusion of individuality to recognize itself in another.
Even the gods, if they exist, must laugh from time to time. Perhaps what we call tragedy is merely comedy from a higher perspective, a joke we are too caught up in to understand. Maybe the wisest among us are not the ones who take life the most seriously, but those who can laugh at its absurdity and find joy even in the darkest moments.
Friendship, some say, is a single soul residing in two bodies, but why limit it to two? What if friendship is more like a great, endless web, where each connection strengthens the whole? Maybe we are not separate beings at all, but parts of one vast consciousness, reaching out through the illusion of individuality to recognize itself in another.