I watched a film recently, titled Isoken; the storyline will resonate with lots of people of African origin. It’s the story of a young woman in her mid-thirties who isn’t yet married and isn’t in a relationship, this is of enormous concern to her mother and other members of the family. The situation is made worse by the fact that her two younger sisters are already married! Sounds familiar doesn’t it?
Ladies, have you ever felt that you have to present yourself in a certain way, put up a certain front to be accepted in society?
Society says men (boys) don’t cry, girls shouldn’t be outspoken, and that to be different is to be weird!
I know what it’s like to be different, born in Europe, grew up on the west coast of Africa, an African-European mix, not fully fitting in either society.
I am left-handed, and I am of African origin; so I know what it’s like to be different, growing up in a society that considers using the left hand as highly disrespectful.
Society has different boxes, to which we’re all supposed to adhere;
One such box is the gender box!
I remember watching the 1998 world cup with a group of friends; France played well and I said “the way they’re playing, France have a chance of winning the world cup” lots of the men in the room laughed out loud, and then one of them said condescendingly, “what do women know about football?” well I was right, France did win the world cup that year!
Society says men don’t cry, girls shouldn’t be outspoken, and to be different is to be weird.
What about the relationship box?
The media, especially electronic media will have us believe that we can only truly find our worth when we are in a relationship.
I grew up (thankfully) when Valentine’s day was not the “in-thing” that it is now; these days, most young men and women, including teenagers would do almost anything to have a date on Valentine’s day, so the “world” can see that they belong to the “happening” crowd, rather than be the “weird” one without a date.
I can identify;
Back in boarding school there were a few Valentine days when I didn’t get letters or cards from anyone asking me “would you be my Val?” leaving me feeling less than special. It’s been a few decades since I was in boarding school, and as I look back, I realise some of those friendships stood the test of time, and quite a lot did not, just like everything else in life! And the future did not rise and fall on the relationships or friendships that we had or did not have in our youth.
We don’t need to give in to the pressures that come with Valentine’s Day, like the host of a radio show I listened to today who with a resigned voice said for all her listeners to hear that, “the dreaded Valentine’s day is here again!”
Ladies our worth is defined by a far higher source beyond these transient pressures and pleasures, because we are fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139:14 and He holds our todays and tomorrows and before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs, He knew us. Jeremiah 1:5.
So as Valentine’s Day comes around this year, it is okay not to have a date, life hasn’t and isn’t passing you by; I survived and so will you too.
Dare to be different my friend, dare to stand alone.
I’m here if you want to visit over tea and cookies, especially on Valentine’s Day, so send in your comments or send in an email. Let’s talk!
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Even the gods, if they exist, must laugh from time to time. Perhaps what we call tragedy is merely comedy from a higher perspective, a joke we are too caught up in to understand. Maybe the wisest among us are not the ones who take life the most seriously, but those who can laugh at its absurdity and find joy even in the darkest moments.
The essence of existence is like smoke, always shifting, always changing, yet somehow always present. It moves with the wind of thought, expanding and contracting, never quite settling but never truly disappearing. Perhaps to exist is simply to flow, to let oneself be carried by the great current of being without resistance.
Friendship, some say, is a single soul residing in two bodies, but why limit it to two? What if friendship is more like a great, endless web, where each connection strengthens the whole? Maybe we are not separate beings at all, but parts of one vast consciousness, reaching out through the illusion of individuality to recognize itself in another.
Time is often called the soul of motion, the great measure of change, but what if it is merely an illusion? What if we are not moving forward but simply circling the same points, like the smoke from a burning fire, curling back onto itself, repeating patterns we fail to recognize? Maybe the past and future are just two sides of the same moment, and all we ever have is now.
Friendship, some say, is a single soul residing in two bodies, but why limit it to two? What if friendship is more like a great, endless web, where each connection strengthens the whole? Maybe we are not separate beings at all, but parts of one vast consciousness, reaching out through the illusion of individuality to recognize itself in another.
The essence of existence is like smoke, always shifting, always changing, yet somehow always present. It moves with the wind of thought, expanding and contracting, never quite settling but never truly disappearing. Perhaps to exist is simply to flow, to let oneself be carried by the great current of being without resistance.
Even the gods, if they exist, must laugh from time to time. Perhaps what we call tragedy is merely comedy from a higher perspective, a joke we are too caught up in to understand. Maybe the wisest among us are not the ones who take life the most seriously, but those who can laugh at its absurdity and find joy even in the darkest moments.
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The potential within all things is a mystery that fascinates me endlessly. A tiny seed already contains within it the entire blueprint of a towering tree, waiting for the right moment to emerge. Does the seed know what it will become? Do we? Or are we all simply waiting for the right conditions to awaken into what we have always been destined to be?