I watched a film recently, titled Isoken; the storyline will resonate with lots of people of African origin. It’s the story of a young woman in her mid-thirties who isn’t yet married and isn’t in a relationship, this is of enormous concern to her mother and other members of the family. The situation is made worse by the fact that her two younger sisters are already married! Sounds familiar doesn’t it?
Ladies, have you ever felt that you have to present yourself in a certain way, put up a certain front to be accepted in society?
Society says men (boys) don’t cry, girls shouldn’t be outspoken, and that to be different is to be weird!
I know what it’s like to be different, born in Europe, grew up on the west coast of Africa, an African-European mix, not fully fitting in either society.
I am left-handed, and I am of African origin; so I know what it’s like to be different, growing up in a society that considers using the left hand as highly disrespectful.
Society has different boxes, to which we’re all supposed to adhere;
One such box is the gender box!
I remember watching the 1998 world cup with a group of friends; France played well and I said “the way they’re playing, France have a chance of winning the world cup” lots of the men in the room laughed out loud, and then one of them said condescendingly, “what do women know about football?” well I was right, France did win the world cup that year!
Society says men don’t cry, girls shouldn’t be outspoken, and to be different is to be weird.
What about the relationship box?
The media, especially electronic media will have us believe that we can only truly find our worth when we are in a relationship.
I grew up (thankfully) when Valentine’s day was not the “in-thing” that it is now; these days, most young men and women, including teenagers would do almost anything to have a date on Valentine’s day, so the “world” can see that they belong to the “happening” crowd, rather than be the “weird” one without a date.
I can identify;
Back in boarding school there were a few Valentine days when I didn’t get letters or cards from anyone asking me “would you be my Val?” leaving me feeling less than special. It’s been a few decades since I was in boarding school, and as I look back, I realise some of those friendships stood the test of time, and quite a lot did not, just like everything else in life! And the future did not rise and fall on the relationships or friendships that we had or did not have in our youth.
We don’t need to give in to the pressures that come with Valentine’s Day, like the host of a radio show I listened to today who with a resigned voice said for all her listeners to hear that, “the dreaded Valentine’s day is here again!”
Ladies our worth is defined by a far higher source beyond these transient pressures and pleasures, because we are fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139:14 and He holds our todays and tomorrows and before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs, He knew us. Jeremiah 1:5.
So as Valentine’s Day comes around this year, it is okay not to have a date, life hasn’t and isn’t passing you by; I survived and so will you too.
Dare to be different my friend, dare to stand alone.
I’m here if you want to visit over tea and cookies, especially on Valentine’s Day, so send in your comments or send in an email. Let’s talk!
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Time is often called the soul of motion, the great measure of change, but what if it is merely an illusion? What if we are not moving forward but simply circling the same points, like the smoke from a burning fire, curling back onto itself, repeating patterns we fail to recognize? Maybe the past and future are just two sides of the same moment, and all we ever have is now.
Man is said to seek happiness above all else, but what if true happiness comes only when we stop searching for it? It is like trying to catch the wind with our hands—the harder we try, the more it slips through our fingers. Perhaps happiness is not a destination but a state of allowing, of surrendering to the present and realizing that we already have everything we need.
If everything in this universe has a cause, then surely the cause of my hunger must be the divine order of things aligning to guide me toward the ultimate pleasure of a well-timed meal. Could it be that desire itself is a cosmic signal, a way for nature to communicate with us, pushing us toward the fulfillment of our potential? Perhaps the true philosopher is not the one who ignores his desires, but the one who understands their deeper meaning.
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