I watched a film recently, titled Isoken; the storyline will resonate with lots of people of African origin. It’s the story of a young woman in her mid-thirties who isn’t yet married and isn’t in a relationship, this is of enormous concern to her mother and other members of the family. The situation is made worse by the fact that her two younger sisters are already married! Sounds familiar doesn’t it?
Ladies, have you ever felt that you have to present yourself in a certain way, put up a certain front to be accepted in society?
Society says men (boys) don’t cry, girls shouldn’t be outspoken, and that to be different is to be weird!
I know what it’s like to be different, born in Europe, grew up on the west coast of Africa, an African-European mix, not fully fitting in either society.
I am left-handed, and I am of African origin; so I know what it’s like to be different, growing up in a society that considers using the left hand as highly disrespectful.
Society has different boxes, to which we’re all supposed to adhere;
One such box is the gender box!
I remember watching the 1998 world cup with a group of friends; France played well and I said “the way they’re playing, France have a chance of winning the world cup” lots of the men in the room laughed out loud, and then one of them said condescendingly, “what do women know about football?” well I was right, France did win the world cup that year!
Society says men don’t cry, girls shouldn’t be outspoken, and to be different is to be weird.
What about the relationship box?
The media, especially electronic media will have us believe that we can only truly find our worth when we are in a relationship.
I grew up (thankfully) when Valentine’s day was not the “in-thing” that it is now; these days, most young men and women, including teenagers would do almost anything to have a date on Valentine’s day, so the “world” can see that they belong to the “happening” crowd, rather than be the “weird” one without a date.
I can identify;
Back in boarding school there were a few Valentine days when I didn’t get letters or cards from anyone asking me “would you be my Val?” leaving me feeling less than special. It’s been a few decades since I was in boarding school, and as I look back, I realise some of those friendships stood the test of time, and quite a lot did not, just like everything else in life! And the future did not rise and fall on the relationships or friendships that we had or did not have in our youth.
We don’t need to give in to the pressures that come with Valentine’s Day, like the host of a radio show I listened to today who with a resigned voice said for all her listeners to hear that, “the dreaded Valentine’s day is here again!”
Ladies our worth is defined by a far higher source beyond these transient pressures and pleasures, because we are fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139:14 and He holds our todays and tomorrows and before we were formed in our mothers’ wombs, He knew us. Jeremiah 1:5.
So as Valentine’s Day comes around this year, it is okay not to have a date, life hasn’t and isn’t passing you by; I survived and so will you too.
Dare to be different my friend, dare to stand alone.
I’m here if you want to visit over tea and cookies, especially on Valentine’s Day, so send in your comments or send in an email. Let’s talk!
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Dare to be different, Step out of the Box.
Yes, it’s time to step out of the box, thanks for your comment.
Bimbo thanks for this piece too. Very deep, practical and relevant to the season we are in. Each one of us must realise our worth and dare to be different as God made us. That is not to say one should resist when being encouraged to do what is right in the name of trying to be different.
I completely agree Nike, we must be true to our purpose, the purpose for which we were created, yet, there is always room for us to be better than we were yesterday.
True. Deep & incisive. I had a brother; left-handed, a dexterios soccer player. But our parents liked neither and did not hide their disdain. They preferred him as a right-handed lawyer, doctor or an engineer. I still remember he was regularly assailed for using the ‘wrong hand’ and loving to play the ball.
Poor boy, he eventually bent to parental pressure; you wouldn’t know he was ever left-handed or that he was so ardent with the ball, if you only knew him as an adult.
My brother didn’t end up as a lawyer, a doctor or an engineer, he read Library Science and eventually rose to become a University Librarian. But I never ceased to imagine the alternatives forgone; what else he might have become if our parents had encouraged him to develop his natural capabilities.
Yes, we can only wonder at what might have been; I love looking at flowers, different shapes and colours, how dull the world would be if all flowers were one shape and colour! I am convinced that God loves variety.
Awesome, well written sis and very captivating. I watched Isoken, haba too much pressure on young ladies. I’m trying to stay clear of my almost 25yrs old daughter 😅. I can also identify with your left handed saga- I was forced to change from
left to right, which explains why i struggled in my early years. My second daughter is left handed and a genius.
I can identify with the kind of pressure “Isoken” went through, no young woman or young man for that matter, needs that, rather we all should give them support and be a safety net for them.
Thanks Bimbo. I can relate very well with this and I agree that it sure pays to dare to be different. God bless you.
Great comment, Kemi
Good read. Well done aunty.
I say dare to be different. Different is not always a bad thing. I like to think of it as being uniquely comfortable in ones skin no matter what.
Great comment Folake
Wow! Being different sure pays alot.
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Lovely read and definitely relatable.
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Wow! I can relate. The moulds that we are all meant to fill! Whoever is this so called ‘society’ sef.
Auntie B! Standing alone isn’t easy, but it sure pays. From the basic benefit of self discovery (that only a few ever attain) to the exotic luxury of ‘living the life’.
Thank you so much for sharing, simply fantastic.
Very true, Fola, not easy but it pays. You’ve just given me food for thought, I might just write a post on who is society, be on the look out.
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